It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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