How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
