Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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