When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
