What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
