All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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