If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
