you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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