A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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