i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
