after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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