Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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