just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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