i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
