you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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