I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
