honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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