dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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