YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
