ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
