I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
