Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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