I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
