my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
