remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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