I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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