I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
