Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
