My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
should my penis look like a turkey
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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