dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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