No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
