I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
