So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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