he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
