i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
