i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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