You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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