just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
