nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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