yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
