So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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