I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
