Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
