So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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