I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
