So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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