I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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