my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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