I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
