He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
