If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
