you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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