Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
