So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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